dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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