At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
