I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The power of my boobs compel you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
