you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
birth control should be required to get into college
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
