filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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