The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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