tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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