so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
