Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
