There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
