Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
