3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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