someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
