im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
