I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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