she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
