you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
