and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
