you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
