i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
