I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
