Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
