There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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