he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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