you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
