My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
