Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
