Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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