Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
