walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
