the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
