I want to have your abortion
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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