i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
