On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
