if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
