are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
