I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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