That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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