I must be too annoying 4 u.
Your face is a jimmy john
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
