Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
