Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
