I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
