if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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