I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
