Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
