Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
