Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
