Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
