So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
