You're my little dorito
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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