Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
