my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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