omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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