I'm so fucking centered right now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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