well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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