i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
