wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
