my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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