I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i came on her dog
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
