I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
