Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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