He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
