Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
