It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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