i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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