You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
